Descriptive Essay - Task 7

My Dream Family

          A dream is a wish your heart makes. Everyone has dreams. Just like everyone else, I also have dreams for the future.

          My dream is living in a happy family. My happy family will be complete if I have a husband whom I expected; having a safe and sound house; and having twin children.

          In Islam, a good husband is someone who can lead his family towards the good thing. The most important quality that I expected definitely the kind of man that can guide me to the right path. He is educated person and successful at his career to make sure we are living in comfort and do not live in debt. When I am in trouble and need some helps, he will be there for me because a woman need a support when she is in weakness. If he is a busy man, he also has to spend the time with me and my family during the weekend. For another criterion, I do hope that my husband is the type of caring person, understanding, and kind. He is not too thin to make sure that he is strong enough and can protect those people around him.

          A safe and sound house that I expected is a place where I and my family can spend the whole activities in comfort. I do not expect to have a big house, but at least there is one big room that will be the room to gather with my family in it.  It has a balcony on the upstairs and there is a mini bar next to it. I want my house has three bedrooms. One is for me and my husband, one is for our children, and the other one is for guest who will stay in our house for several days. I dream about having a house that is near to the ocean. So, everyday we can see a beautiful scenery and feeling the fresh air. It will be useful to reduce stresses after the tiring day. The located is not too far from the super store and other public places, because if it is too far, we can not easily accessed them. In other hand, if it is near to the public places, it will be so noisy.

          Having children is a special gift in my life from God, Allah SWT. It is such a big challenge for me to be a mother. I do hope that after I and my husband get married, we have twin children. They are one boy and one girl. We will give a beautiful and meaningful name for them.  For our son, his name will be ‘Light Jr. Pratama’, the meaning is a first boy who gives their parents light in the darkness. For our daughter, her name will be ‘Jade Sparkling’, the meaning is clear that she is like a Jade that is sparkling in the darkness. We will be a good parents that we could for them. We will provide a good education for them. We will teach them the way how to get up after falling. We will teach them not to be weak people and we will also implant them honesty and discipline. Hopefully, they will be the useful people for their parents, families, county, and their circumstances.

          All of those three are my dream family. There is no other happiness in the future except having a happy family around me until the day I close my eyes.

Total: 581 words

Identifying Paragraph and Analyzing the Adequate and Inadequate Cohesion

     How to write paragraph with adequate and inadequate cohesion.

                 Paragraph is cohesive when all of the sentences “go together” in a logical sequence. We feel one sentence is cohesive with the next when we see at the beginning of a second sentence information that appeared toward the end of the previous one.  That’s what creates our experience of “flow.”  For example:

         Some astonishing questions about the nature of the universe have been raised by scientists studying black holes in space. A black hole is created by the collapse of a dead star into a point perhaps no larger than a marble. So much matter compressed into so little volume changes the fabric of space around it in puzzling ways. 

            In other words you should:

1.       Begin sentences with information familiar to your readers.

That information can either come from a sentence or two before (as in the above), or it can be general information that your reader brings to the subject.

2.      End sentences with information the reader cannot anticipate.

Whatever is familiar and simple is easier to understand than what is new and complicated, and readers always prefer to read what is easy before they read what is hard. 

What is Cohesion?
Cohesion can be thought of as all the grammatical and lexical links that link one part of a text to another. This includes use of synonyms, lexical sets, pronouns, verb tenses, time references, grammatical reference, etc. For example, 'it', 'neither' and 'this' all refer to an idea previously mentioned. 'First of all', 'then' and 'after that' help to sequence a text. 'However', 'in addition' and 'for instance' link ideas and arguments in a text.

How is cohesion different from coherence?
It is difficult to separate the two. However, think of coherence as the text making sense as a whole at an ideas level, and cohesion as rather more mechanical links at a language level. You can imagine that it is possible for a piece of writing to contain plenty of cohesion yet little coherence.

Cohesion is the glue that holds a piece of writing together. In other words, if a paper is cohesive, it sticks together from sentence to sentence and from paragraph to paragraph. Cohesive devices certainly include transitional words and phrases, such as therefore, furthermore, or for instance, that clarify for readers the relationships among ideas in a piece of writing. However, transitions aren't enough to make writing cohesive. Repetition of key words and use of reference words are also needed for cohesion.

While, Paragraph can be coherence when sentences, ideas, and details fit together clearly, readers can follow along easily, and the writing is coherent. The ideas tie together smoothly and clearly. To establish the links that readers need, you can use the methods listed here.

     Identifying the Paragraph that shows cohesion

A Little Piece of Me

            To describe myself completely, I need to divide it into five aspects. They are background, physical appearance, education, personality and hobby.  First of all,  my name is Ritma Ratri Meilia, or “Ati ” as my family called me. I was born on May 6, 1995. It took eighteen years to create who I am today. I live in Bangunan village, Palas and that is in South Lampung. It is far enough to the location where I stay now in Metro. Second, I am a girl with brown skin, and black eyes. My weight is 48 kg and I am 155 cm. I think my weight and my tall is ideal. My face is oval. My nose is pointed enough. I wear veil on my head. Third, I studied on Elementary School 2 Bangunan, Junior High School 1 Palas, and Senior Highschool 1 Palas. Then now, I am continuing to study in Muhammadiyah University of Metro. I take English Education Departement and I am now in fourth semesters.  Fourth, I am a stolid girl in the class. I think I am also a computer geek as a lot of my friends say. The best thing about me is that I am just the way I am. The last, I have so many hobbies. I am always interested at many things, especially something new. I like listening to the music, like easy dubstep and classic rock. I am also an anime addict, my life is not complete without watching and updating anime series in every season. I am bad at singing, however things I do a lot is sing a song. I also love eating, my favorite food and drink are fried rice and watermelon juice.  I like spending my free time on Cyber world. I do not have much close friends, that’s why I often chat with my internet friends. I use to talk about some good movies and animes. Ever since, I do chatting with some foreigners via what’s app and facebook to increase my English skill. I like them so much, they are very kind. Finally, I hope I can be better in every aspect of me.

NOTICE : The underline sentences or words are adequate cohesion, the other ones are not.

     Why It can be categorized as Adequate Cohesion?

Cohesion sentences/words	Reasons
To describe myself completely, I need to divide it into five aspects. They are background, physical appearance, education, personality and hobby.	This sentences are categorized as cohesion because the firts sentence links to the next sentence. The word “they” refers to the word “five aspects” in the last 1st sentence.
First of all,	This is categorized as cohesion because it helps to sequence a text.
I was born on May 6, 1995. It took eighteen years to create who I am today.	The second  sentence is still related to the first sentence. The word “it” refers to the sentence “I was born on May 6, 1995”.
I live in Bangunan village, Palas and that is in South Lampung. It is far enough to the location where I stay now in Metro.	The second sentence is the detail information about the location in the first sentence. It is also categorized as cohesion .
Third, I studied on Elementary School 2 Bangunan, Junior High School 1 Palas, and Senior Highschool 1 Palas. Then now, I am continuing to study in Muhammadiyah University of Metro. I take English Education Departement and I am now in fourth semesters.	The sentence is categorized as cohesion becuase the first and the second sentence is related.  And the word “then” helps to sequence a text. The third sentence is also related to the second sentence bacause it tells about the detail.
The last, I have so many hobbies. I am always interested at many things, especially something new.	The words “the last” helps to sequence the text. The second sentence is the detail information from the first sentence. That’s why this is also categorized as cohesion.
I am also an anime addict, my life is not complete without watching and updating anime series in every season.	This sentence is categorized as cohesion because after “,” there’s the detail information that is related to the first idea.
I am bad at singing, however things I do a lot is sing a song.	This is also cohesion because the word “however” links ideas and arguments in a text.
I also love eating, my favorite food and drink are fried rice and watermelon juice.	This sentence is categorized as cohesion because after “,” there’s the detail information that is related to the first idea.
I do not have much close friends, that is why I often chat with my internet friends.	This sentence is cohesion because it contains two related information. The word “that” also shows cohesion, it refers to an idea previously mentioned.
Finally	This is categorized as cohesion because it helps to sequence a text.

Writing a Descriptive Paragraph (Indentifying paragraph with adequate and inadequate unity, and coherence)

A good paragraph is characterized by unity and coherence. State the main idea of the paragraph in a clearly constructed topic sentence. Make sure each sentence is related to the central thought. Then, develop the paragraph with specific details and examples. A paragraph with unity develops a single idea thoroughly and links it to the rest of the paper. Paragraph coherence is achieved when sentences are ordered in a logical manner and when clear transitions link sentences.

            How to write paragraph with adequate and inadequate unity :

1. Develop a paragraph around a major idea. Express this idea in the topic sentence.
2. Make the relationship between the main idea of the paragraph and the thesis of the paper clear. Don’t assume that the reader will “get it.” Spell it out for him/her.
3. Support the main idea of the paragraph with details.
4. Create separate paragraphs for those details that explore your topic from different perspectives.
5. Eliminate sentences that do not support the main idea. Alternately, you may revise the main idea to include those sentences.

            Paragraph coherence: Arrangement of ideas clear and in a logical order.

1. Decide on an order for your sentences that will best develop the paragraph’s main idea. Your supporting sentences are raw materials. They will not make sense to a reader unless they are put in order.
2. This order could be based on several factors:
3.  Chronological sequence. This is useful for describing a sequence of events.
4.  Modified chronology. Sometimes a major idea presented early in a paragraph can be supplemented with necessary background information.
5.  Spatial position of different objects. This method is useful for description.
6.   ‘Conversation’ between different experts. By moving between a series of key positions, a writer can establish a sense of dialogue and develop a complex argument.
7.  Logical form of argument. Some form of logical proof, like a syllogism, can serve as the basis for order.

DESCRIBING MYSELF

A Little Piece of Me

           

           To describe myself completely, I need to divide it into five aspects. They are background, physical appearance, education, personality and hobby.  First of all,  my name is Ritma Ratri Meilia, or “Ati ” as my family called me. I was born on May 6, 1995. It took eighteen years to create who I am today. I live in Bangunan village, Palas and that is in South Lampung. It is far enough to the location where I stay now in Metro. Second, I am a girl with brown skin, and black eyes. My weight is 48 kg and I am 155 cm. I think my weight and my tall is ideal. My face is oval. My nose is pointed enough. I wear a veil on my head. Third, I studied on Elementary School 2 Bangunan, Junior High School 1 Palas, and Senior Highschool 1 Palas. Then now, I am continuing to study in Muhammadiyah University of Metro. I take English Education Departement and I am now in fourth semesters.  Fourth, I am a stolid girl in the class. I think I am also a computer geek as a lot of my friends say. The best thing about me is that I am just the way I am. The last, I have so many hobbies. I am always interested at many things, especially something new. I like listening to the music, like easy dubstep and classic rock. I am also an anime addict, my life is not complete without watching and updating anime series in every season. I am bad at singing, however things I do a lot is sing a song. I also love eating, my favorite food and drink are fried rice and watermelon juice.  I like spending my free time on Cyber world. I do not have much close friends, that’s why I often chat with my internet friends. I use to talk about some good movies and animes. Ever since, I do chatting with some foreigners via what’s app and facebook to increase my English skill. I like them so much, they are very kind. Finally, I hope I can be better in every aspect of me.

Notice : Yellow - Identification

             Green - Description

             Pink - Transition (Coherence)

             Red - Conlusion

 

Topic Sentence :  To describe myself completely, I need to divide it into five aspects.

Controlling Idea :  They are background, physical appearance, education, personality and hobby.

Supporting Sentences :  First of all,  my name is Ritma Ratri Meilia, or “Ati ” as my family called me. I was born on May 6, 1995. It took eighteen years to create who I am today. I live in Bangunan village, Palas and that is in South Lampung. It is far enough to the location where I stay now in Metro. Second, I am a girl with brown skin, and black eyes. My weight is 48 kg and I am 155 cm. I think my weight and my tall is ideal. My face is oval. My nose is pointed enough. I wear a veil on my head. Third, I studied on Elementary School 2 Bangunan, Junior High School 1 Palas, and Senior Highschool 1 Palas. Then now, I am continuing to study in Muhammadiyah University of Metro. I take English Education Departement and I am now in fourth semesters.  Fourth, I am a stolid girl in the class. I think I am also a computer geek as a lot of my friends say. The best thing about me is that I am just the way I am. The last, I have so many hobbies. I am always interested at many things, especially something new. I like listening to the music, like easy dubstep and classic rock. I am also an anime addict, my life is not complete without watching and updating anime series in every season. I am bad at singing, however things I do a lot is sing a song. I also love eating, my favorite food and drink are fried rice and watermelon juice.  I like spending my free time on Cyber world. I do not have much close friends, that’s why I often chat with my internet friends. I use to talk about some good movies and animes. Ever since, I do chatting with some foreigners via what’s app and facebook to increase my English skill. I like them so much, they are very kind.

Concluding Sentence : Finally, I hope I can be better in every aspect of me.

CHARACTERISTICS OF DESCRIPTIVE PARAGRAPH

According to Smalley and Ruetten (1985), descriptive paragraph is a paragraph that explains something from where the objects being described are located which is called spatial organization. In short, in descriptive paragraph you have to make the location of the objects being described very clear. Descriptive paragraph can be scaled based on there senses, they are visual, auditory, and smell. Descriptive paragraph has some characteristics. It has two generic structures, they are identification, and description in parts or each characteristics. The generic structures of descriptive paragraph are almost the same with report paragraph. What make different between report and descriptive is the scope of the written object. Report will be discussed in general. While descriptive  will be discussed  in particular and more specific. Descriptive paragraph uses linking verbs such as look like, to be, seems, smell, taste, has, have, etc. It also uses preposition with spatial order like in, on, down, above, over, beneath, under, between, etc.  The kind of tense which is used are simple present tense, past tense, future tense, and present continuous tense; it depends on the scope of paragraph itself. Sometimes, descriptive paragraph also uses analogy and methapor. If you want to write a paragraph of descriptive, at least it must have four main components in the structure, they are topic sentence, supporting sentences, concluding sentence and logical development. Therefore, descriptive paragraph can be conclude as the way of descriptive paragraph in showing thing is based on the objective fact of the thing. It describe the specific thing simply as the thing is.